


camp chiplet

by napstablooker



Category: Game Grumps, supermega
Genre: Camp AU, Happy Ending, M/M, OFC - Freeform, Ryatt - Freeform, Self-Esteem Issues, Shy babies, all of them are cute, cuteness, supermegay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2019-06-26 02:08:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15653577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/napstablooker/pseuds/napstablooker
Summary: ryan is forced to go to a camp over summer. he hates it until he loves it.





	1. 1: the beginning of the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> wow! here comes a story! haven’t written shit in a while, so sorry if this is actually pure trash. but i had fun writing it, so hopefully it’s continued.

camp chiplet. even the name was horrible. 

so not only did ryan have to be here for a couple weeks, but he couldn't even say he was off somewhere cool.

although, ryan thought as he carried his painfully heavy luggage toward his mothers car, who would he even tell? the poor kid who sat next to him in the following school year that they were forced to share unecessary events of their summer with? because ryan didn't have anyone else to tell. he didn't have any friends that he could complain to or bring with him to this stupid camp.

which, he admits, is a bit pathetic. literally everyone has friends, even if it's just one. 

everyone except for ryan. and he deserves it because he's a socially awkward asshole.

with all of these thoughts swimming around in his head, he slammed the car door close, startling his mother.

"ryan magee, do not do that!"

he rolled his eyes, shifting his body around uncomfortably. "well i wouldn't have done that if you hadn't forced me to go to this shithole."

his mother glared at him angrily. "watch your language." she put the gear in reverse and slowly backed out of their driveway, glancing between him and the road behind her. "and also, it's good for you to get out of the house. exercise. sunlight. possibly make some friends?" she gave him one last apprehensive look before shifting back into drive and starting their journey to, as ryan defined it, a shithole.

ryan sighed, propping his head up with his hand and leaning against the window. it was uncomfortable, but he was to stubborn to move. 

he knew why his mother had registered him in this camp without his consent. he had an attitude at home (and everywhere else) and she thought weeks at some overnight camp with other kids his age would magically fix that. like he would magically make some friends that would change him. 

he scoffed internally. this wasn't some fucking book. he had accepted a long time ago that some people just didn't have happy, joyous endings. "some of those people" being him. he realized that the rest of his life would be lonely and miserable, which couldn't bother him less because people were conceited assholes anyway. even if he cared for someone they would end up ripping his heart out, so wasn't this fucked up mentality actually helping him?

(he had tried explaining his view of thinking to his parents in a not so fucked up way so they could leave him alone about finding a girl or a friend. they were disgusted, persisting even more to find someone.)

and although he stuck with this mentality, he always secretly hoped someone would see past this facade and sweep him off his feet. 

he would never admit that aloud though. (has he mentioned that he's stubborn?)

he turned away from the window, checking the gps his mother was using to get there. they still had twenty minutes. great.

"are you done being angry with me?" his mother asked. 

ryan slumped back into his seat. "no."

she sighed, rubbing her temple with one of her hands. "why must you always be childishly stubborn? i signed you up for this camp for your benefits, ryan!"

ryan crossed his arms, not allowing himself to see how right she was. "yeah, without asking me."

"because you'd say no! but ryan," she stopped massaging her temple to place a hand on ryan's shoulder. "this will be good for you. i can feel it."

ryan's angerness finally dissolved. "with your freaky mom intuition?" he asked, melting into his mother's touch.

she smiled, glancing over at him quickly. "exactly."

"just because i'm not yelling at you anymore doesn't mean i think this is suddenly a good idea, by the way."

his mother laughed, removing her hand to go back on the steering wheel. "there's the ryan i know."

———

twenty minutes later they had arrived at camp chipfuck. chiplet. whatever.

ryan went to open the door when he felt his mother grab his shoulder. "ryan, honey."

he shrugged her hand off and turned to face her. "what now?"

she gave him a smile (a fucking pity smile, he noted with distaste). "please. for me and your dad's sake. try and be friendly."

ryan sighed and nodded his head, knowing fully well he would not do what she asked. he said goodbye to her and removed his luggage from the trunk. 

once he was situated he finally took in everything around him. kids younger and older than him were running around with backpacks and suitcases, chatting loudly with the people around them. some were kissing their parents on the cheek as the got out of the car and some were sprinting out without so much of a goodbye. it was all really pleasant and you could feel the happiness of everyone around.

it made ryan feel sick.

he shouldered his huge ass duffel bag and made his way to a tent everyone seemed to be heading to. 

lost in his thoughts (specifically reminding himself that he was the only one by himself not hanging out with friends), he ended up bumping into a stationary person in front of him. 

the guy turned around and ryan died. right there. on the spot. cause of death: blue eyes. those fucking blue eyes. part of him realized that it was stupid to be so enamoured with a human being's eyes but the other part of him ignored that part because of how enraptured with the other boy's eyes it was. 

knowing that he was probably staring a bit too long, he composed himself and set his guard back up. he gave the boy an intimidating stare. "why the hell are you just standing there?"

the guy cocked his head to the side and gave him a confused look. "uhm," he started, shifting from one foot to the other. "we're in line? to, uh, sign in and get assigned our cabins?"

ryan mentally slapped himself. how did he not see the people standing in front of blue eyed boy? he ducked his head, wanting nothing more than to disappear. "oh, uh. sorry."

he heard the boy laugh, and when ryan was done bowing his head in shame he looked up to realize the boy had turned around and was talking to a large group in front of him. a couple people that were listening were looking at him in disgust, probably for the unnecessary douchey behavior, but he just scowled back at them. he had to remember, just because there was some cute guy his age at this camp, doesn't mean he can start being friendly.

soon enough ryan had forgotten about the exchange and he was second in line. the blue eyed boy was in front getting his cabin number. ryan was pretending he wasn't hoping to get the same one. 

the adult counselor looked up. "what's your name and age, son?"

the boy scratched the back of his head. "uh, 'm matt watson. seventeen."

the man flipped through pages of sheets with different names and age groups. once he seemed to finally locate the name, he looked back up and tore off a bit of the paper. 

"here," the counselor said, handing the paper to matt. "you're at cabin seven, with the other seventeen and eighteen year old males."

matt thanked him and walked off. ryan stepped forward, raising his eyebrows impaitently. 

"eighteen. ryan magee."

the counselor nodded, looking through the pages to find ryan's name. ryan already knew now that he was in the seventh cabin with that blue eyed twink (matt, his actual name), so he thought going through this process was dumb.

"okay. you're in the seventh cabin with the other–,"

ryan snatched the slip of paper from the man's hands and turned around, since sticking around for a small speech he already heard seemed pointless.

he walked a few steps before realizing he had no idea where to go. thankfully he didn't have to stand like a dumbass for long, before some lanky ass kid with crazy hair stumbled toward him, a smile so pure and genuine on his face.

the boy waved at him, and before ryan had the chance to say something obnoxious he was already introducing himself. "hi! my name is danny, you look super lost, do you need any help?"

"uh..." he was torn between being an asshole (because who did this kid think he was to come up to him and assume he was lost?) and being nice (because he was lost, damnit).

"fine. but only because i'm a nice person, and not because i'm actually lost." ryan said.

danny gave him a weird look, one that made ryan self consciously shift his bag that was sitting on his shoulder. "whatever man," danny said, resuming his usual smile. "you're weird." 

danny made a gesture, indicating ryan should follow him, as if ryan wasn't going to. after a minute or so of walking behind him and giving short replies whenever danny was trying to make conversation, they arrived at a standard looking cabin. the dark wood had obviously been worn down over time, and random splotches of paint could be found everywhere. near the top of the building was a large sign, strangely enough completely blank.

"why is the sign blank?" ryan asked, hoping he hadn't cut off the other boy in the middle of a conversation. 

"oh, 'cause every year the people in the cabin get to make up their own name! instead of being called something super lame like cabin seven." danny replied, grabbing ryan's shoulder and forcing him through the door. as if ryan wouldn't walk in himself.

...he wouldn't have.

as soon as he walked inside, he was met with a lot of bunk beds and a lot of boys. basically ryan's favorite things.

"hey guys!" danny said loudly, getting everyone's attention. everyone turned toward them, making ryan want to shrink and hide. danny on the other hand seemed to thrive under the spotlight. 

"we got another one! his name is ryan and he's eighteen, meaning he'll be bunking with us this summer!" danny said, nudging ryan forward a bit. 

ryan forced a smile as everyone greeted him. he glanced around the room, intimidated. guys ranging from mid-teens to almost-twenty-year-olds were relaxing before him. some were beaming at him, standing to face him, while others greeted him momentarily and got back to arranging their specific bunks.

danny, who seemed to rescue ryan whenever he was awkward and confused, stepped forward and introduced the ones smiling at him. 

pointing to a chubby boy, danny said, "this is arin. he's absolutely the best ever and i love him." 

the boy with brown hair (and a streak of blonde?) who was apparently named arin blushed. "hey ryan. don't listen to dan he's a little bit... insane."

ryan nodded back at him, hoping he at least appeared friendly. dan then pointed to the one next to arin. "that's brian. he's probably the oldest and coolest one here. he has a fucking ninja costume and he's awesome."

the one named brian who thankfully wasn't wearing the previously mentioned costume gave him a wave. 

"beside him is ross. he's an australian fucker but we love him anyway." danny said. 

ross rolled his eyes at the words, and with a semi-thick accent said hello to ryan. 

next, was a boy named tucker. he had long hair that ryan was jealous of. he's been trying to grow his hair out forever, but it never quite hit the luscious length that tucker's was.

"and last, but oh so certainly not least, my boy matt!" danny yelled, jumping over to where matt stood, smiling at ryan. 

"hello ryan. long time no see." matt said, waving cutely.

ryan nodded towards him, his throat too caught to say anything intelligent. because matt was attractive before, but now he was smiling at ryan being all cute, and ryan couldn't handle it.

this was going to be a long ass summer.


	2. 2: cutie patootie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uhh still the same day but ryan gets a bit more comfortable with the dudes

"beautiful! now that we've all introduced ourselves we can become best friends!" danny squealed, looking way to excited for what he was talking about.

arin walked towards dan and slung an arm around his shoulder. "come on dude, i saved a bunk for you on top of mine."

dan beamed at him and walked with him to the set of bunks, causing ryan to hear only a part of the ended conversation. "thanks big cat!"

confused, and unaware with what to do with himself, ryan turned back to the other guys. ross, who seemed to pick up on his confusion, answered the question lingering in ryan's head. 

"yeah they're like that all of the time. i forgot how, uh, unsusal it seems to people who don't know them. trust me, you'll get used to it. they're both really cool guys."

ryan nodded. brian, ross, and tucker seemed to realize this was the end of their interaction and made their ways to their certain beds. ryan watched them go in panic.

he turned back around to see matt still standing there. 

'okay,' he thought. 'now's the chance to be an asshole, make matt realize you're a terrible person, and ultimately ruin your chances and whatever hope you had that this could lead somewhere.'

before ryan could say something rude, matt started talking. that fucker.

"there's an empty bunk next to me and tucker's, i don't think anyone's claimed the top or bottom so you can choose." matt smiled at him, making ryan forget his full proof plan of being a douchebag.

"i think i'll take the top." 

there was a couple seconds of silence. in those moments matt's face started to heat up, and ryan realized his poor choice of wording.

"sorry, i uh, don't know why i said that–," ryan fumbled around, looking for the right wording.

matt giggled. "don't worry about it."

ryan determinedly stared at the ground, wishing it would swallow him up. "so. i'm just gonna. go there. yeah."

he shuffled away from matt awkwardly. if only his mother hadn't ever signed him up for this shit. he wouldn't be getting flustered by cute guys that were undoubtedly straight. or reminded how awkward he was and how he could never make friends.

he reached the bunk that matt had showed him and placed his bag on the ground near it. he hesitated, unsure of what to do or how to act. he looked around and saw everyone simply chilling, guys sitting together and talking and some just listening to music and lying down. 

maybe this wouldn't be so bad?

no, nope, it was going to be terrible. if he let himself believe it could be fun, he might actually have fun. and then when the summer is over he'll never see these people again. so screw it.

giving a hefty sigh, he climbed his bunk. as soon as he got to the top he noticed a blank whiteboard, an expo marker attached to the side. he looked around at the other bunk beds and realized they were all like his, except some were already filled out.

in fact, right next to him tucker had just finished filling out his. it read:

01110100 01110101 01100011 01101011 01100101 01110010

"what the hell is with this camp's desire to have everyone be creative and choose names?" ryan wondered aloud.

tucker laughed and turned towards him. "this is mostly just to know whose bed is whose."

ryan raised his eyebrows. "i think there's more simpler ways to know. like. just remembering."

"yeah well, i think it's pretty cool."

ryan read tucker's board over again. "what does yours even say? is it some math problem or some shit?"

tucker smiled proudly at his board. "it says tucker."

"...you're fucking with me." ryan said, staring at the numbers, hoping they'd make sense. "unless it's some sort of code..."

tucker was giving him a look, as if he was close to figuring out the solution. ryan squinted at the continuous lines of zeros and ones, trying to put the pieces together. just as he was about to give up, it clicked.

"dude! it's fucking binary code. how did i not realize before? i'm unbelievably stupid." ryan said, mentally punching himself. 

"nah man, its summer. you aren't supposed to be using your brain. be as stupid as you want. but yeah, it's binary." tucker said. he smiled at ryan, moving his legs to hang off the bed, letting them swing like a little kid.

"you gonna right something?" he asked, motioning to ryan's empty board.

ryan took the marker, and scribbled something quickly. he didn't want to be lame and just put ryan, but he also wasn't as cool as tucker to come up with something creative. when in doubt, be self-deprecating.

when he was finished, he had written:

the sad, pathetic, fat loser. =0

"i love it man." tucker said, genuinely laughing at his board. ryan felt a burst of pride swell through him, but also hated how he could only make people laugh by being an asshole towards himself.

"why is yours so mean!?" came a voice from below. it was matt, peeking he head from beneath tucker's bed.

tucker moved his socked foot to the top of matt's head, pushing it back down. "hey i'm bonding with the new guy, give us some privacy."

ryan laughed, the most genuine thing that's come out of his mouth all day. "yeah, matt."

matt seemed to persist against tucker's sock, swatting it away with his hands. 

"what'd you write this year matty?" tucker asked, sensually petting him with his foot.

"better than whatever trash you wrote."

tucker snorted, dropping from the top bunk to take a look at matt's. ryan followed him, excited to see what matt came up with.

matt was leaning against the wall his bed was pressed against, looking nervous but proud of what he came up with at the same time. on his board in small, but insanely cute, handwriting was the words:

weeaboo watson •~•

tucker shook his head with disappointment, while ryan couldn't help the fond smile that crossed his face.

"that's. really stupid." ryan said, wanting to compliment him on how quirky it was, but being too scared. 

matt pouted, going to grab the marker. ryan, who had sensed he was going to change it, spoke quickly, fighting the blush that was threatening to overtake his features.

"no! don't change it! i mean, i, uh." he swallowed his pride. "like the alliteration? it's... cute, i guess."

tucker gave him an unimpressed look, and ryan was afraid he had weirded him out. this is why it was easier to be an asshole, and why he should–

but before he could finish his negative thought, tucker turned to matt. "he's just trying to make you feel better, obviously mine is the coolest and cutest of them all."

matt smiled but threw his marker at tucker. "shut the fuck up, you narcissist."

"ryan! who's is cuter? my amazing one or matt's stupid one?" tucker said, frantically and dramatically placing his hands on ryan's shoulder. 

"hm, this is hard..." ryan said, faking contemplation.

matt pulled tucker off of ryan, messing up his hair. "don't listen to this idiot," matt said, panting from the exertion of keeping tucker in place. tucker tried to escape but matt seemed to be stronger than he looked. "he's just trying to seduce you with his beautiful hair."

ryan let out a shocked laugh, falling onto the bed opposite of the one tucker and matt were wrestling in. 

matt finally let go of tucker, who flipped his hair to the side, giving ryan a look. "well? did it work?"

ryan, who had finally finished laughing hysterically, pondered, looking from matt to tucker. 

tucker was looking at him in a pleading way, while matt was shyly smiling at him. 

"matt. he's– his is definitely cuter."

matt cheered, celebrating by running up the bunk bed, erasing tucker's board, and writing weeabo watson.

tucker yelled after him, screaming about how it took him years to write it. ryan smiled after them, climbing back up his bed and slipping headphones on. 

as he let the subtle chords of a cavetown song wash over him, he thought about his day so far.

there were times when he wasn't an asshole, and times where he was.

he found he enjoyed himself more when he wasn't being a doucebag. before he let the contradicting thoughts wash over him, he slipped into a peaceful sleep.

———

"–an. ryan. ryan! wake up, sleepy head!"

ryan groaned, rolling over to find himself suffocated with his headphones. he removed them from his ears and sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"is it the morning?"

the one who had woken him up, which he could now see was dan, laughed. "no! you missed dinner, we were going to wake you up but you looked like you needed the sleep so,"

ryan nodded, pretending he understood half of what he was saying. "wait," he started, his brain finally catching up with him.

"why'd you wake me up now then?"

danny pulled ryan out of the bed, causing him to nearly fall flat on his face. "it's the campfire! it happens every night, and the first one is where they go over rules and stuff. future activities and competitions."

ryan groaned, ruffling his hair which was undoubtedly a mess, following dan blindly out of their cabin. he noticed it was pitch black outside, the only thing lighting up the world being the stars and some fire in the distance.

"you woke me up to probably be so bored and fall asleep again?" ryan asked.

dan rolled his eyes and sped up, causing ryan to curse softly. "it's fun! and cool, you'll love it. can't you run any faster, we're gonna miss the opening song!"

finally they made it, ryan still in a grumpy mood from being so rudely awaken. 

dan, still holding onto ryan, ran to meet with his friends (ryan wasn't sure if a couple minutes of talking made him friends with them yet, and they probably didn't even like him anyway, he was an ass,) and ryan was relived to see there were two empty seats, so ryan didn't have to be awkwardly asked to find some other seat.

all of the guys he had previously met were scattered, some talking to others that he didn't know, including girls. dan sighed in relief, probably too excited that he hadn't missed anything. he quickly glanced around for matt, was was relieved to see him not talking to any girls. 

how stupidly jealous he was, and it had only been a day. he wished he was still sleeping in his cabin. 

dan sat down and ryan did the same, noticing how everyone had grown completely silent. an older looking man came out, with a stool and a ukulele. as soon as he sat and strummed a chord, the teens around him went crazy.

he smiled at them all, and hushed them all by tapping on his microphone. "welcome everyone to camp chiplet!"

the teens around him again went crazy, causing ryan to cringe just a little bit. he forgot and was simply astounded at how stupid the camp name was.

"i know everyone's excited to kick off this summer, but before i get into the boring rules, i thought we could play a jam or two, welcoming all the newcomers."

people whistled and clapped, causing the man to let out a chuckle. he brought his ukulele up and played a couple notes, before singing in a raspy yet calming voice,

school, is an important thing,  
but it always tends to tire you out,  
you think 'there's no way! i   
can get any of this sadness out',

but, then you're here.  
and the light ignites inside of you again,

and, then you cheer,  
for you're reconnecting with old friends,

at the camp, oh, camp chiplet,  
a camp for all ages,  
a camp that costs you no wages,  
a camp for fun,  
a camp where you come undone!

here, at camp chiplet,  
where you come to soak in the sun~

people were cheering and laughing. ryan found himself enjoying the ridiculously stupid song and it's stupid lyrics. 

"well, now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's talk about the rest of your summer!

most of you already know the drill. wake up around eight o'clock, nine on the weekends, and head to the dining hall to eat breakfast. after, you'll come back here where we'll be explaining the activities of the day for your certain age groups. lunch will happen around noon to one, and dinner at seven. any questions?"

no one seemed to have any, and ryan yawned. 

"if no one has any questions, you guys are free to head back to your cabins and sleep. oh! if we have any special events going on, you'll know about it at the morning assembly. remember, girls and guys are not allowed in the same cabin, and if that's ever caught happening, there will be consequences! goodnight everyone!"

the man picked up his stool and left, which caused everyone else to rise and start heading back to their designated cabins. 

ryan followed the large crowd, noticing some were from his cabin. 

"i feel like that last rule is always so stupid." he heard from his left, and turning he saw it was none other than matt.

"what do you mean?" ryan asked groggily. he was still half asleep from before, and was dying to get in bed.

"like... i don't know, they always act like everyone here is straight, no exceptions."

ryan perked up at this, nodding along because he agreed and he was excited that matt was the one bringing this up. "it would be difficult to separate everyone from everyone though."

matt laughed, slinging an arm around ryan. ryan blushed, but beamed at this sudden change in demeanor. 

he feels like he could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk really i’m kind of just going with the flow.
> 
> don’t forget my tumblr bitches (obesusfatue) 
> 
> also i’m just curious, does anyone know what my user for tumblr means in latin?? cause it’s why i chose it okay bye


	3. 3: miscommunication which leads to communication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first day of camp is in full swing! matt goes from friendly to mean, leaving ryan confused but it turns out even better than before.. right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait :o
> 
> hopefully the chapter uh.. makes up for it?

ryan woke up from the sound of a horn blaring a short tune. once it played for the second time, he turned aside in his bed and tried falling back asleep.

unfortunately, going back to sleep wasn't an option that he had. he was immediately attacked by several pillows, all thrown at him from several different directions.

he sat up, groaning and rubbing his eyes. "the fuck?" he mumbled, trying to look at who would dare wake him up in such an aggressive way.

unsurprisingly, he saw dan, ross, and matt all looking at him with devious smiles. ryan felt his face flush, suddenly aware of all the attention on him.

danny laughed, causing everyone else around him to join in. ryan found himself laughing a bit as well, against his brain's intention. danny just had that laugh that you couldn't help joining in with.

"if everyone else has to get up, then you have to get up too, mister," dan said.

ryan gave a deep sigh but descended from the top bunk anyway. as soon as his feet touched the ground he realized, looking around, that they were the only ones left in the cabin. 

"where's everyone else?" he asked.

ross, who was slipping his shoes on, decided to answer. "oh they're at breakfast already, we decided to stay and wake you up first."

ryan mentally cringed, beating himself up for holding back these people (his friends?). "oh, uh, you guys didn't have to wait for me, yknow? i didn't mean to hold you up." he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

matt scoffed, an amused look on his face. "you seriously didn't, it's fine."

ryan rolled his eyes to disguise the blush reappearing on his face. "okay i got it, let's just go already."

the four boys walked out of the cabin and towards the main hall, where the three best parts of the day took place, being breakfast, lunch, and dinner. 

as ryan walked with the other boys, he slowly stopped listening to the conversation they were having and took a deep breath, enjoying the crispness of the morning air. although he was in no way a morning person, he enjoyed the coolish air hitting his face, knowing it would only become hotter as the day continued on.

the walk was decently long, and ryan looked around, not truly appreciating the aesthetic of the camp on his first unofficial day. it was just so... campy.

ryan pretended like that was a good adjective to describe it.

there were several cabins littered here and there, with kids running around. in one area to the left he saw ten year olds playing tag, to his right eighteen year olds flirting with each other.

there was basketball courts here and there, and other things like tether balls and four square boxes drawn on cement with chalk. next to those were various designs (ranging from brilliant to excruciatingly awful) drawn on in chalk, making the cement look breathtaking.

after a good five minute walk they had reached the main hall, where shouts and laughs could be heard from inside. danny, ross, and matt didn't hesitate walking in, and ryan tried to look as easygoing as they all did. 

as soon as the door closed from behind him, ryan was hyper-aware of his surroundings. he could hear every conversation at once, causing every sound to mix together and blend. he could smell all of the food, sausages and eggs and much more, all while trying to keep calm and follow dan, who was skipping towards a certain table, where arin, tucker, brian, and a couple other girls were sitting.

everyone sat down, some immediately beginning to talk to others around them like long friends, as if they all knew what to do. ryan stood there, helplessly, hoping there would be at least one seat left, so he wouldn't have to awkwardly excuse himself and cry in his bed, reminding himself how much of a loser he was.

thankfully or unthankfully, depending on how you look at it, matt seemed to catch on to his deer-in-headlights expression, and patted the seat next to him, as if inviting ryan to join him. ryan sent him a thankful smile and sat down, trying not to tune into how close they were.

he noticed everyone else with a variation of food piled on their plates, quickly skimming the room as if there would be a large sign that said, "moronic losers who are socially awkward and fat, food and an excuse to leave these people you just met yesturday is this way!", but that would be oddly specific, and frankly a bit weird.

ryan eventually saw people walking to a certain part of the building, and coming back from the wall with food. however as he located where the buffet of breakfast food was, he didn't fancy randomly getting up and attracting their attention.

as the people he were sitting with continued to talk, he noticed matt no longer actively participating. knowing this could be his last attempt, he nudged him slightly. matt turned towards him, a brilliant smile on his face.

"can we uh, get stuff to eat?" ryan asked, hesitation clear in his voice. 

matt nodded, but seemed to sense ryan's reluctance to get up. "would you mind me accompanying you? i'm pretty hungry, and i don't think we have much time to wait." matt asked, making his way to already get up.

ryan, who was already trying not to swoon over how nice matt was, followed hastily. they passed by many tables, the ages decreasing by every one. 

"it's kinda weird," ryan said, "how large the range of ages is here."

matt ran a hand through his hair and gave him a questioning look. "how so?"

ryan, not expecting a follow up question, scrambled to formulate his thoughts. "it just seems... difficult. for the adults in charge to have to deal with issues of six year olds and eighteen year olds."

they had reached double doors, kids entering and exiting with plates. matt never replied, causing ryan to wish he'd never opened his mouth in the first place. after a couple minutes of uncomfortable silence waiting in the line to get food, matt explained how this buffet style breakfast bar was the same for all meals, and they would vary daily.

ryan nodded, grabbed a couple pieces of bacon, and booked it out of there. he probably should've waited for matt, but ryan was too embarrassed from his unnecessary commentary before to stay around much longer. 

he quickly walked back to their table. sitting down in the seat he had sat down in before, he kept his eyes on his plate and ate. he felt matt's presence next to him, and could feel him turn towards ryan. ryan looked up briefly to see that matt was about to speak to him, until he was interrupted by no one other than dan.

"oh! ryan! i forgot to introduce you to some people you might not know of yet!" he exclaimed, jumping up from his seat and running towards two girls that he hadn't really taken into account yet.

"this," danny had said, pointing towards a girl with light brown hair, sitting next to arin, "is suzy. she's super awesome, and is nice, with a great sense of style!" the girl smiled at him, shaking her head at dan's words.

"nice to meet you, ryan! also, don't listen to dan. he says everyone's awesome, even if they aren't." suzy stage-whispered, pretending to conceal it from dan, who merely smiled.

"but you are awesome, though." arin pointed out. ryan thought he could see blushed forming on both of their faces.

"and this," danny said, moving the attention to the girl on the other side of him, "is holly! she's so cool i literally can't describe it. she's impossible not to love."

holly rolled her eyes, but nodded towards ryan, saying "it's nice to meet ya, hope we see more of each other."

as if she had known ryan was thinking he didn't deserve this, holly had spoken up again. "don't listen to suzy. cause if danny likes you, that means you're a pretty decent guy."

ryan smiled genuinely at her, actually moved by the compliment. he heard a scoff, or possibly a cough, from the left of him. he tried not to imagine matt thinking he wasn't a good person. what if matt suddenly hated him for ditching him without a word, when ryan is the one who asked him to trail along? 

all of this thinking and second guessing was causing him a splitting headache, and it was only the first day of actual camp, and only breakfast.

soon enough people around him were rising and exiting the building. ryan, who had found himself in a conversation with suzy and arin, almost shit himself as he felt matt brush against him, standing up. he hadn’t talked to ryan all breakfast, he hadn’t even acknowledged him.

the people at their table started to exit through the double doors, and ryan hastily followed, not ready to lose the one group who stuck with him, regardless of how matt was feeling at the moment.

he remembered they were making their way towards the stage where they had their assembly the other day. the old man who was singing the previous day was already there, sitting on his stool. this time, however, he was with a couple of other older adults, all of them holding clipboards. 

after a couple minutes of aimless talking throughout the crowd, the man finally cleared his throat into the microphone, causing everyone sitting to immediately go quiet.

“i hope you’ve all had a spectacular breakfast to start off this spectacular day!” shouted the man, smiling at them all.

the crowd cheered, which seemed a sufficient answer for him. 

“so, as some of you already know, these morning times are where we sometimes do fun activities with everyone, including competitions! sometimes, just to keep everyone updated on other things. and sometimes, like today, we’ll just explain the following events of the day. sound good?”

again, the crowd just cheered. ryan had a passing thought of what awkwardness would presume if the kids remained dead quiet.

the old man and a couple other counselors had started talking to the younger kids about their plans for the day. ryan didn’t need to listen, since it didn’t really pertain to him at all. 

once the kids were told of their activities, they followed the adults they would be with for the day and left, wherever they were supposed to go.

soon only the older teens were left, ranging from between fifteen and ryan’s age. he was hoping they wouldn’t be stuck with some counselor, they were basically adults for fucks sake, they didn’t need a babysitter like the rest of the ages.

the old man seemed to understand this as well, as if he were perhaps reading ryan’s thoughts he said, “so, as you are older, i think it would be rather pointless to assign you someone to control you. instead of giving you an adult to look after you guys in your activities, i would like a couple volunteers to just keep you guys a bit in place. they would tell you when your time is up and where to go next, and possibly have to power to control you all if things get a bit too crazy. make sense?”

this did make sense, and although ryan dreaded the thought of being controlled by someone his own age, it was better than being controlled by a sour middle aged woman who despised kids.

to everyone’s delight, danny had been picked as one of the ones in charge. everyone seemed to gather that he was a cool guy that wouldn’t abuse his power. the other person picked was holly, who merely rolled her eyes and smiled. 

once this had been decided, the old man told them of their schedule today, emphasizing that it was loose and didn’t necessarily need to be sticked to. 

“just don’t interfere with the others, if you can help it.” he concluded, and with one last look at the group, the old man picked his stool up and exited.

danny grinned at them all (which was about thirty people) and in a confident, leadership voice, he said, “alright gang! let’s go carpe the diem!”

ryan sidled up next to dan, to see the schedule they had for the day. he saw it was broken up into four parts. 

8:00: assembly, schedules assigned   
8:30: first activity- capture the flag  
10:30: second activity- water games  
12:30: lunch  
1:30 third activity- the lake  
3:30 fourth activity- get to know games  
5:30 dinner  
6:30 nighttime assembly  
7:30 back to cabin   
9:30 lights out for younger kids  
10:30 lights out for older kids

without meaning to, he spoke up about a question he had while reading through the schedule. “why the hell do we need two hours for these things?”

dan, who was the closest, said, “you’d be surprised how fast time goes. plus, like he said, we don’t have to necessarily stick to the schedule.”

ryan nodded, but wondered how interesting this day would be. 

–––

it was lunch, and ryan was grumpily eating a coldish grilled cheese.

it wasn’t as if the day so far had been horrible, he just felt as though he wasn’t having as much fun as his cabin mates were.

during capture the flag, he had been split up from what he considered the only friends he had made so far. he would’ve even taken matt at that point.

he was to guard the flag, but he couldn’t even do that right. he was off in his own world, thinking of naps and video games and cute guys, when he heard running past him. he turned around to see matt scoop up the flag with a smirk on his face.

what made it worse, ryan thought grumpily as his competive teammates belittled him, was the fact that matt hadn’t even spared him a glance, even afterwards. 

as they walked to the next activity, water games, ryan had began thinking. if matt was still strung up over ryan abruptly leaving during breakfast, that was just petty at this point. 

maybe he should try and clear the air, but ryan is more of a person to ignore the problem rather than confront it.

so there he sat, muching on the grilled cheese, noticing the way it seemed bland of taste. 

they were scheduled to go to the lake, next, and from other groups and people his group that have been here before had warned him of the buddy system. 

ryan thought it was stupid that they didn’t need adult supervision but needed a buddy at the lake and pool, but whatever.

suzy had told him about it, along with brian during water games, who gave the background, as to why the eighteen year olds still needed to follow this childish rule. 

(“there was this kid,” brian had told him, his face grim, “who was all alone near the end of the lake. he had floated over there on some tube, and fell. he didn’t know how to swim.”

ryan sat there, his mouth opened in shock. “did he... did he die, or something?” he asked, not exactly sure if he wanted an answer.

“no.” brian replied, and he immediately relaxed. he’s not sure how he would feel swimming in a body of water that housed a dead person previously. “someone noticed. but ever since they require we have someone near us at all times, in case something like that happened again. even older kids.”

ryan nodded, and the three of them sat in silence. the serious mood, however, was destroyed as a water balloon sailed over suzy’s head and hit ryan directly in the face. the culprit was none other than matt, who had the decency to look guilty.)

as he finished his sandwich, he listened to tucker and ross drawl on and on about some conversation they had overheard earlier. he didn’t really feel like socializing with anyone at the moment, the day had already gone way over his capacity, so he was content to listen to ramblings that meant nothing.

unfortunately the watch that danny was wearing let off a little beep, alerting him and holly that it was time for their next stop.

holly, who excitedly left with the girls to change into appropriate swimwear, went in the opposite of the boys. confused as to where the girls cabin was even located, he accidentally walked straight into matt.

tempted to yell at the boy, he quickly closed his mouth, hoping it wouldn’t betray him and open with rude words. he was already in matt’s bad books, and had no intention of getting marked down in permanent marker rather than pencil. 

matt, who when saw who bumped into him turned around, rushed forward to keep up a conversation with tucker.

ryan sulked behind the rest of the guys he knew as his friends, upset over how the day was going and having to swim in the lake. therefore meaning he would have to take his fucking shirt, unless he wanted to be labeled as weird. and he didn’t.

the cabin, it seemed, as ryan walked behind everyone, was split into two different groups. danny and his friends, and another group of boys that looked a bit... douchey?

maybe he wouldn’t feel so gross if he’d just joined up with them. they wouldn’t care if he was an asshole, and therefore he wouldn’t have to worry about getting to attached to anyone. basically to stick to his original plan.

the cabin now appearing in sight, he shuffled toward the douchey looking guys, but before he could open his mouth he realized they were in the middle of a conversation.

“–and i just can’t wait to see suzy in a fucking bikini, you can imagine how–,”

and ryan tuned the rest out, not even capable of hearing the rest of his sentence without a.) punching him or b.) throwing up. well! turns out he was destined to be alone forever.

maybe he could get away without having a buddy at all.

they had reached the cabin and everyone was grabbing their swimsuits and changing. ryan tried to carefully avert his eyes, overwhelmed with bare skin and horomones.

thankfully he changed and they had all left, making their way to the lake, without much hassle. 

the walk to the lake, which wasn’t as long as ryan thought or hoped, was about a couple minutes. by the time they arrived, the ladies of their age were already their, waiting for the boys. ryan saw danny and arin approach holly and suzy happily, causing the other group of boys to laugh.

ryan gave them a skeptical look and looked towards holly, who whistles loudly enough to get everyone to stop talking.

“alright! if you’re aware, we have a perfectly even amount of numbers, meaning we won’t have any complications with assigning partners! some guys will have to partner with girls, but i’m sure,” she said, giving a pointed look towards the guys who had been laughing before, “that everyone is mature enough to handle it. without further ado, here is the list!”

although ryan knew it would be close to impossible to be skipped, he still found himself having a mini heart attack when his name carried above everyone else’s heads.

“ryan magee, hope i said that last name right, wasn’t sure if it was a hard g or–,” 

“get on with it, please dan.”

“okay, sorry my bad, a little commentary never hurt anyone but, okay–!”

“dan i’m gonna lunch you in the fucking mouth.”

“thanks holly, but i’ll have to pass. anyone the lucky buddy of ryan is matt! watson, that is.”

ryan closed his eyes, trying not to vocalize his dissapointment in a groan. he felt like he was in a terribly written fanfiction (which he may or may not have spent his whole last summer reading), and this was some deploy to give them a romantic encounter, that would undoubtedly fail miserably.

not wanting to look at matt’s reaction, he gazed his eyes to the floor, listening to the names float on and on...

“arin, and his lucky lady suzy!”

“justin and marina, i’m sorry marina, i didn’t put you with that prat it was randomly selected!”

“holly and luna. sorry ross, maybe next time!”

sometimes there would be squeals of excitement, and sometimes awkward pauses were neither knew what to say. when the list had finally come to a conclusion, danny and holly instructed them to meet up with their partner. 

at last, ryan had no choice but to look up. matt was just standing there, as if in a daze, so ryan was forced to walk over.

when he reached matt, matt nodded towards him, acknowledging his presence without really acknowledging him.

ryan, who could no longer take this cold shoulder after matt had been so friendly before, burst out saying, “why the hell are you being so rude to me?”

thankfully everyone around him was chatting with their partners, the only one hearing his explosion being the one it was intended for.

matt looked at him, anger emitting from him. “are you fucking kidding me right now ryan? you’re the one who couldn’t stand being in the same room as me this morning!”

ryan cringed at the memory but plowed forward, fueled by matt arguing back. “why are you so obsessed over that? it was awkward, i thought you thought i was weird for trying to keep up a conversation with someone so much... better than me, and i left. it wasn’t my finest moment, but i can’t really change it now, can i?”

matt started at him, and if this wasn’t such a serious situation, ryan would’ve laughed and commented on how much he resembled a fish.

matt, who seemed to be processing everything ryan had told him, closed his mouth and then opened it again, as if to speak. “i... i thought you–,”

but before he could finish, holly whistles loudly again, and ryan and matt were forced to turn away from the other. embarrassment still overwhelming ryan from admitting so much of his feelings to the other boy was glad for a change to turn around. 

also, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could stand so close to matt, aware of how little clothes they were both covered in.

danny and holly led them towards the entrance to the lake, explaining rules and restrictions. 

“but most importantly!” dan said, with a look of seriousness ryan had never seen across his face. “stay with your buddy and have a fucking good time!”

everyone cheered and raced towards the water, except for ryan who stayed back. he walked slowly, wanting to finish his conversation with matt.

matt seemed to want to as well, because as soon as he started wading through the lake, matt dragged him to a secluded corner, where they had to duck under a couple of cobwebs.

they treaded water for a bit, ryan completely entranced by the way matt looked, his face so close and his eyes so stupidly blue! it was torture, and eventually, once seeing himself in the reflection of matt’s eyes, shook his head and raised his eyebrows at matt. an invitation to continue talking.

matt who seemed to be in a similar trance (unfortunately, nothing to do with ryan), cleared his throat and fixed ryan with a steely look.

“so, why were you ignoring me?” ryan asked, causing matt to remember why he had called him over.

matt snarled, looking ryan dead in the eye. “well, the night before, yesturday, when i told you that not everyone was...” he dropped his voice, instantly losing the hard look in his eyes, his face becoming softer, “straight. i thought, you couldn’t stand in the same room as me cause you were homophobic or something.”

ryan stared at him incredulously. the thought that anyone assumed he, ryan magee, obsessed with guys (and honestly, he didn’t mind girls much either), would ever be considered homophobic to anyone.

“are you fucking kidding me?” ryan asked.

matt started back defensively. “what else was i supposed to think? you’re a straight guy who–,”

without meaning to, ryan let out a laugh at the statement. “i...” he hadn’t necessarily come out to anyone, besides himself, but found he could trust matt. it was a feeling that enveloped him. “i’m like... not straight.”

matt, who did not seem to be expecting this whatsoever, slipped from the rock he had been leaning his weight on and fell under the water. 

alarmed, ryan pulled him up and laughed as matt shook the water off of him, getting a large amount of it on ryan.

“i–i was so... you, you aren’t–?” matt spluttered, and with a growing satisfaction ryan noticed his cheeks heat up.

after this moment of glee, he suddenly remembered he just came the fuck out to somebody. “you, you don’t think i’m a disgusting freak, right?” he asked matt, glancing at the water uncertainly.

it was matt’s turn to laugh, who laughed so genuinely and loudly that others turned towards them and ryan’s heart swelled with fondness. he needed to get ahold of himself. he had literally met this boy a couple of days ago.

“ryan. i’m literally the gayest person ever. i do not, think you are disgusting.” matt said, still giggling, but doing his best to hide it behind his hand. ryan rolled his eyes, and followed matt as he led them to the rest of their friends, splashing each other as they swam over.

‘i’ve got a chance, i’ve got a chance, i’ve got a chance!’ were the only thoughts in ryan’s head. he ignored them, understanding that just because matt happened to be attracted to the gender he so coincidentally was, doesn’t mean he was suddenly a match for him. matt was so, way out of his league. 

knowing he could be attracted to him just made him feel worse. because if matt was straight, it wouldn’t matter. it would suck, but at least ryan wouldn’t be so close yet so far, like he was in his current predicament.

he needed to suppress these fucking stupid ass feelings, and then he would be okay. he only had a summer left to deal with them anyway, and from the other summers he spent locked away in his house, those always sped by.

but as he saw matt wrestling with tucker and brian, he was sure of it, that this summer would be unlike the others he had to endure. 

whether that was for the better or worse, ryan was unsure.


	4. physically and mentally draining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait :-( writing is hard sometimes yknow! but i have a general idea of the story so i have that going for me

the next day of camp was more or less the same activities in a different order. so when the third day rolled around, ryan was a little excited to do something new for a change.

when the horn blared it's tune, ryan immediately got out of bed, having woken up minutes before. he ruffled his wet hair (it didn't dry over night as easily as everyone else's seemed to do) and decided today would be a backwards hat day.

he rummaged through his duffel bag, throwing on gym shorts and a black tank top that read in white, "hilton head island". there was even a cute little palm tree next to the words. he also had on his black hat, that also happened to have a palm tree, so he felt very fashionable today.

he leaned against the pole that connected the bunk beds together (and more importantly supported the top one) while everyone else finished getting ready. well, he only really cared about arin, dan, ross, brian, tucker, and most importantly matt, but whatever.

it was only the third day, but ryan felt strangely close to matt. it could be from the attraction he immediately felt for the boy, but a part of him was still attempting to beat that part out of him. it was a dangerous game, having feelings. a game he didn't want to participate in.

but matt was so... easy? easy was a weird word to use when describing someone, but it worked. matt was easy to develop feelings for. he was easy to talk to (which was something huge for ryan). he was easy to joke around with. he was definitely easy to look at.

but was ryan easy? was ryan easy to fall in love with? was ryan easy to talk to? was ryan easy to look at? absolutely goddamn not. no matter what ryan felt for the lanky brunette, it would never be reciprocated.

he was pulled out of his dream like stance when he felt a tug on his wrist by brian, followed by a motioning gesture to follow him. he repositioned his hat in a way so that it wasn't really necessary to touch it in the first place and followed the other boys to breakfast.

after the long hike to the dining hall, he found he still wasn't all too hungry. he had struck up easy conversation with arin, and still wasn't comfortable with finding their table and sitting down. it all seemed so simple, yet there were parts of it that, to ryan, felt so difficult. thankfully, the group of them sort of had unassigned assigned seats. ryan noticed that everyone seemed to sit in the same place at every meal. at least that was one constant in his life right now.

wow. he truly was pathetic.

but he also enjoyed the times they spent eating, because it meant hanging out with matt without having to truly initiate anything. the previous day they had talked about the randomness shit at lunch, causing ryan to hold his sides from the pain of laughing.

it also caused him to stay up later that night, smiling bashfully at the memories of causing matt to laugh so genuinely, but that's a bit of a different story.

they passed a couple of tables and reached theirs, where, like ryan knew they would, they took their usual seats. after a couple minutes of closing up the conversations they were having on the way over, everyone got up to get their breakfast. in fact, ryan was the only one who didn't get up. he realized it might draw some attention, which is usually the last thing he wants, but he really wasn't hungry. and to be completely honest with himself, the last thing he needed was to consume empty calories. but eating did help distract himself...

while he was battling with this internal monologue, he noticed that he wasn't the only one who hadn't left to get something to eat. matt was still here, yet unlike ryan, he was standing, as if he were originally going to get food until he saw ryan and decided to wait for him.

willing himself not to blush, ryan raised an eyebrow in matt's direction, as if asking what was up.

"what're you doing?" matt asked, slurring his words together. ryan wanted to coo like an elderly woman at her grandson. although that was a weird analogy, because grandmothers aren't usually attracted to their grandsons. okay ryan. focus. matt must still be tired from only waking up minutes ago.

"sitting? i think you might need some more sleep if you seriously just asked me that." ryan replied, going for the teasing route. obviously he knew what matt was asking. but he was hoping for a laugh, or even a smile.

matt giggled. so now ryan knew god was real.

"you know what i mean, idiot." matt stuck his tongue out at ryan. ryan rolled his eyes in mock annoyance, but when matt suddenly grabbed him by the wrist, he was no longer smug.

matt dragged him to the room full of an assortment of foods ranging from cereal to sausages to pop tarts. "you're eating something no matter what magee. it's called being healthy."

ryan rolled his eyes yet again, but this time had a light in them that wasn't usually there. "correct me if i'm wrong, but it sounds like you care about me watson."

finally matt blushed, and ryan felt himself soar to places higher than he'd ever been before. unfortunately matt immediately let ryan ago, who suddenly felt a lack of warmth.

matt grabbed two plates and gave one to ryan. although the last thing ryan felt like doing was eating, he accepted the plate and followed matt around. while matt piled his plate with bacon, sausages, various muffins, pastries, bananas, and cereal, ryan placed a single blueberry muffin on his plate.

they made their way back to their table, matt and ryan talking amiably like old friends.

it was the most peaceful ryan had felt in a very long time. and it was only the third day of camp.

"so, how're you liking camp so far, ryan?" matt asked him. they had finally settled down and matt was battling with the pile of bacon on his plate about three feet high.

ryan snuck a piece of bacon from his plate, causing matt to give him a pouty face.

"you know. i was really not excited about spending the summer here, but. so far it's been a lot more bearable than i expected." ryan said.

matt smiled at him, or attempted to with a mouth full of bacon. once he successfully swallowed, he opened up his mouth to speak again.

"you know, you're pretty cool ryan. i'm glad you joined our little group."

ryan unconsciously smiled, melting under the compliment. "thanks man. i wouldn't want to join any other, to be honest. although it has absolutely nothing to do with you."

matt and ryan both sat there, in their own world, smiling at each other. ryan was not one for long eye contact, but he would be lying to himself if he said this wasn't the nicest.

so of course, dan avidan interrupted the moment, exclaiming their next activities so loudly that it caused matt to flinch and turn away from ryan. fuck.

"alright my people! first things first we're going on a little mini hike! most of you know of the little overnight camping excursion we do near the end of the summer, so this is just to prepare you for that."

ryan, who hated exercise almost as much as he hated himself, slouched lower in his seat. in fact, some could even say ryan hated exercise because he hated himself, but that's besides the point.

he also thought it was a little pointless to camp at a camp, but he wasn't in charge. in fact, judging by everyone's reactions, they seemed to look forward to this strenuous activity.

so hopefully he would enjoy it as well. who knows? everything else at this camp had surprised him. this probably would too.

once they had all finished their breakfast dan had led them outdoors. they walked for a couple minutes, chatting aimlessly, until the arrived at a path with a sign that read:

"hike this way! four miles"

ryan kind of wanted to die when he read how long it was and nudged matt. "does that mean four in total or four there and four back?"

matt smiled at him in sympathy. "oh ryan, so naive."

"matt how much am i going to have to walk," ryan demanded. when matt continued to stand their with a posture mixed with smugness and sympathy, ryan turned to tucker.

as everyone made their way to the start of the rocky path ryan demanded tucker tell him.

tucker ruffled his hair, said "it means eight in total," and ran to catch up with the others. ryan pouted and stopped walking.

matt laughed, grabbing ryan's arm. "come on, dude."

ryan shook his head stubbornly. "i'm not walking eight mother fucking miles. it's just not possible at all."

matt, attempting to push ryan in the direction of everyone else, panted, "please, ryan? for me?"

ignoring the tingly feeling he got from matt persistently grabbing onto his arm, he started to walk. matt's hand fell off of his arm limply, but matt seemed to be pleased that ryan was now participating with the group, so ryan didn't really mind.

ryan thought he could do it, he honestly felt he could do about anything with matt walking with him (even if that meant away from the others who matt was probably closer with) and talking to him like he hung the sun. but then he saw another sign and heard danny scream the contents of it aloud in triumph.

"woo-hoo! a whole mile ladies and gentlemen! just seven more to go!"

ryan watched the other boys ahead cheer at what was supposed to be good news, and died a little bit inside. how could they be so excited about only completing a mile? there was so much more to walk!

he gave a long, dreary sigh. "matt i'm going to die and there's nothing i can do about it anymore."

matt pushed ryan away playfully. "we've already completed a whole mile!"

ryan groaned, stopping in his tracks and looking down at the dirt, putting his hands on his knees. he started to pant and breath heavier, exaggerating the tiredness he felt. "matt," he whined, "i'm gonna faint!"

he heard a chuckle from behind him, and it wasn't a cute one so he ruled out matt as the producer of the laugh. rising quickly from his position he turned to look at the assholes of the group. the ones who were objectifying suzy and whatnot.

ryan narrowed his eyes at them, mentally asking them what their deal was.

the one who was supposedly the leader stepped forward, leaving the rest of their group still giggling like middle schoolers. "we just aren't surprised."

ryan understood completely what they were talking about and tried to calm his breathing, realizing he was letting it get out of control, almost like an upcoming anxiety attack.

matt however got angrier. "and what the fuck is that even supposed to mean?"

the boy raised an eyebrow and looked ryan up and down, who was desperately trying to breathe normally and stare at the ground, embarrassed.

"i guess we're just saying ryan is, ah, on the bigger side of the scale is you know what we mean. no wonder he's so slow, he's got a lot more he's got to carry than anyone else here." the boys behind him started to laugh harder again, slapping each other on the back and wiping tears from their eyes.

matt stepped forward, a scowl ingrained in his face. "i would fucking punch you if you were worth it, you piece of shit."

they didn't seem too interested in this threat and, still laughing, walked ahead with the rest of their group.

matt turned to ryan, almost desperately, who was still staring at the ground. however his expression had changed from shock to a mix of sadness and anger.

matt tried to caress ryan's shoulder but the he shook it off. going for a second attempt at comforting ryan, he tried with his words. "ryan, those guys are just straight up dicks. don't listen to them, they think they're funny but they aren't, just assholes."

ryan turned abruptly and started walking, causing matt to jog a bit to catch up. ryan still hadn't said a word, making matt extremely concerned.

"ryan, i–,"

ryan stopped and turned towards matt, finally looking him in the eye. "i get it. they're assholes. they shouldn't have said that stuff to me. but what they said was fucking true. do you know how fucking awful it is to be the fattest person at camp? you're a fucking twig matt, you don't understand what it's like to be disgusting."

ryan, ignoring the hurt look on matt's farce, turned back and walked at a quicker pace, hoping to catch up with dan to talk with him. matt tried to catch up with him and comfort him, but ryan was persistent in ignoring him.

thankfully a couple of minutes later ryan caught sight of dan talking animatedly to arin with a huge grin on his face. ryan braced himself for the look of disgust that face would turn to when he had to lay his eyes on the sweaty, obese ryan who just wanted to complain.

the rest of the group was waiting at a large rock, drinking water and chatting amongst themselves. ryan tried his best to squeeze around everyone to reach dan. 

"well that was after the fish swallowed that one dude, y'know?" arin said. while dan was about the continue the conversation, ryan tapped his shoulder apprehensively. dan turned immedaitely, arin shifting a little to fully face him as well.

"ryan! what's up, buddy? you liking the hike so far?" dan said, his grin staying plastered on his face. ryan knew the guy was to nice to be obviously disgusted with ryan to his face.

while ryan could sometimes fake a feeling like all human beings, he wasn't quite in the mood at the moment. in fact, he could feel Douche Ryan coming in to motion, and he needed to act on it.

"it's a fucking hike, idiot. what do you expect me to say? it's wonderful and shit?" ryan growled, shrugging his shoulders.

dan glanced back at arin quickly, but his face stayed the same which pissed ryan off anymore. why couldn't he just show a real goddamn negative emotion once in his life?

dan laughed nervously. "uh, yeah i guess hikes aren't everyone's jig. me and arin were just talking about this really cool story he heard the other-"

"yeah, whatever. dan, i could honestly care less. anyway i was wondering if i could ditch this hike and head back." ryan interuppted.

dan's smile started to falter, which made ryan feel a little triumphant. and then made him want to throw up for feeling that way. arin grabbed dan's shoulder, ushering him to take a few steps back. as if ryan was scaring him.

dan, however, persisted. shrugging off arin's hand, he clutched ryan's. "hey, man are you alright? you seem a little upset, did someone say something, or..."

ryan rolled his eyes. "okay i'm just going to go then, because this conversation doesn't seem to be going anywhere. if you could only stay on task for more than a fucking minute, dan."

ryan turned around to walk away, shoving past people he tried to previously squeeze gracefully by. but before he could take a couple of steps, he felt a rough hand turn him around.

it was arin, glaring at him as if ryan had kicked a helpless baby. dan was huddled closely behind arin, watching ryan with reproachful eyes. 

"what the fuck is it?" ryan asked.

arin made a growl like noise. "where the hell do you get off, being an asshole to dan who was just trying to be nice? ever since you got here we've been trying to befriend you, and you decide to repay all of us by being mean for no goddamn reason?"

thankfully arin didn't raise his voice, but ryan still felt as though he was stabbed three hundred times while being yelled at for being hurt from it. ryan turned around without a word, ready to storm off.

he could feel his throat start to close up and his face get warm, warning signs to get out of the public and go to your room to release your tears. as he was walking away quickly, he caught sight of matt, who was watching ryan run away with a concerned look in his eyes.

it was heartbreaking, but ryan dug this hole for himself and instead of getting out he needed to wallow there for a bit.

and he was going to do that by taking a nap by himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember to follow me on tumblr for whatever reason :,)   
> changed my user to asimplekalzone (cute, right?) so hit me up!!

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked it or hated it, come message me at my tumblr, obesusfatue. i’m friendly, i swear (as long as you are:-))


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